I have been writing this blog for a couple of months now and I have found the writing process so healing. By being completely honest and open about what has happened for me and the emotions that have come with it, I have found it
has helped me accept these feelings myself. I thought writing things down would be difficult, but in fact it has been the complete opposite. As I write, it all just flows out.
The feeling of just being honest, of not pretending everything is ok has been revolutionary for me. The relief of saying you know what, I didn’t enjoy being pregnant, it wasn’t what I thought it would be and although it is the best thing i have done; becoming a Mum hasn’t been easy. To say these things out loud is so relieving on all the feelings of weakness, guilt and failure that I have felt over the past two years.
However…although I have taken a huge step forward in my healing process and I feel proud of the honesty I have shown…I have been doing it whilst hiding behind the blog name, ‘The Maternal Mind’. That was the first step for me. Being able to write whilst anonymous to those who don’t know me personally has helped me build up courage. The amazing messages of support I have received have helped me begin to open up, not only to myself but to others.
But the next step for me to feel I am making further progress is to shake off that feeling of embarrassment.
Embarrassment of having ‘failed’ through pregnancy, birth and the beginning of motherhood.
Embarrassment of having been diagnosed with Postnatal Depression.
Embarrassment of having had therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Embarrassment for having a second round of therapy for depression.
Embarrassment for having to take anti-depressant medication.
I need to have the confidence to accept that it’s ok to have struggled and not try to hide it anymore.
So, here we go, *deep breath*….
This is me.
👉🏻 My name is Siân
👉🏻 I am 32 years old
👉🏻 I have been with my husband for 12 years and married for 3.
👉🏻 I’m a Mummy to a 21 month old girl.
👉🏻 I started playing the keyboard and piano when I was 8 years old.
👉🏻 I love to go on holidays! ☀️ 🧳 I travelled America for three months in 2009. My favourite country though is Italy 🇮🇹 🍕 🍋 🥂
👉🏻 I am a Friends fanatic and will happily watch the episodes over and over.
👉🏻 I am gluten and lactose intolerant…eating out can be quite difficult 😂👍
👉🏻 I started my blog as a way of therapy for myself through writing and if it helps others to not feel so alone or feel they can talk about things better than it has been worth it!
*and breath out*